Tag: retro

#71 Ring & Ring

Chaz DeSimone 3 Comments

71-Ring-&-Ring

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Amper Fans meet Apple Fans

Today’s the day every­one’s been wait­ing for (unless you’re an Android or Win­dows fan — ha ha Win­dows fan sounds kin­da fun­ny, does­n’t it)…

THE OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT OF iPHONE 6

brokeberry

No, that’s not an iPhone. It’s my cracked, scuffed, worn, tor­tured, bro­ken Black­ber­ry Curve 6310 that I’ve had for 8 or 9 years.  Think I’m ready for a new phone?

Believe it or not, it still works. (It has to, it’s the only phone I’ve got.) I’ll tell you more about this Badass­ber­ry — the phone that won’t quit — in my “chaz sez” col­umn below. It’s been a work­horse, but I am so ready for a brand new iPhone — & final­ly the iPhone 6 has the one fea­ture I’ve been hold­ing out for, a larg­er screen. (I’ve also been cross­ing my fin­gers it will come in grey or black, & sure enough it does.)

Remem­ber before answer­ing machines (remem­ber answer­ing machines, which were before voice­mail?) the phone used to ring & ring & ring & ring & ring, some­times 10 or 20 times? Real­ly annoy­ing if you had an annoy­ing friend (or worse yet, a bill collector…or worse yet, a tele­mar­keter) who kept call­ing & you did­n’t want to speak to them. At least with answer­ing machines you could fast-​forward to the next message.

Let’s fast-​forward to today:

Well, the iPhone 6 has been announced, but we’ll have to wait & wait & wait & wait & wait until it’s actu­al­ly avail­able. I’ve wait­ed 9 years for a new phone so I guess I can wait a few months longer.

UPDATE: I did get that iPhone 6 Plus, & enjoyed it very much…until the iPhone X was intro­duced. I jumped at that imme­di­ate­ly, main­ly because I like the let­ter (or numer­al) X & the num­ber 10. It’s a mile­stone. & I love the phone, with its edge-​to-​edge larg­er screen (retain­ing near­ly the same size body), face recog­ni­tion, & super-​duper cam­era. (I had way to much fun with the ani­mo­ji fea­ture at first, turn­ing myself into a robot, chick­en, & such…until that nov­el­ty wore off. It was fun send­ing my great-​niece a col­or­ful ani­mat­ed uni­corn, though, on her birthday.)

So, am I anx­ious to get my hands on the lat­est & great­est iPhone 10 XR, XS, XS Max, or any­thing else? NO! I love my X, the sim­plic­i­ty of the mod­el name, & don’t plan to upgrade (not that I con­sid­er the newest mod­els much of an upgrade) any­time soon…although I doubt I’ll wait anoth­er 8 or 9 years.

phone colors adIf you’re won­der­ing what all the col­ors are in this Amper­Art piece, “Ring & Ring,” those are the col­ors tele­phones came in while I was a kid in the 1950s & 60s. Up until then they came in any col­or, as Mr. Ford would say of the Mod­el T, as long as it was black. The new, mod­ern col­ors were excit­ing, instant­ly mod­ern­iz­ing & adding a touch of glam­our to any liv­ing room, bed­room or kitchen. This ad announces all the new phone colors.

 

princess-phone-pink-rotarySMShort­ly after the new col­ors, along came the Princess phone (that was in my mom’s or sis­ter’s bed­room, of course, although I don’t recall if it was pink or turquoise).

 

 

 

black pushbutton phone

But the most rev­o­lu­tion­ary con­cept, that which changed the world of tele­pho­ny, was the push-​button phone. That allowed all sorts of won­der­ful new appli­ca­tions, includ­ing auto­mat­ed cus­tomer ser­vice depart­ment selec­tions that usu­al­ly dis­con­nect­ed the call. (I always just press 0 for a live oper­a­tor, although that usu­al­ly dis­con­nects the call as well or recy­cles back to the main menu). Then cord­less phones were the next big thing.

single-brickAfter that, of course, cel­lu­lar phones were all the rage, & any­one who owned one was an instant celebri­ty. For decades they were first nov­el­ties, then acces­sories, & today they have replaced the home phone alto­geth­er for sev­er­al house­holds. For many solo entre­pre­neurs such as myself, the cell phone is our main busi­ness phone, along with Skype.

Ah, the sim­pler days when all the instruc­tions for using your new phone were print­ed on a sin­gle sheet of paper…

dial telephone instructions

If you hap­pen to have a Bell & How­ell 16-​mm sound pro­jec­tor sit­ting around, you could sim­ply learn from this high­ly edu­ca­tion­al film which shows you step-​by-​step how to place a call with the rev­o­lu­tion­ary new sys­tem. Is that an ear­ly portable cell phone she’s stand­ing next to?

I know, I know…this Amper­Art release coin­cides with the iPhone 6 release & it was planned that way, so why have I hard­ly even men­tioned the Shiny New Toy? Because you’ll be hear­ing enough about it on the on the news, on the Inter­net, at Star­bucks, & from your geek col­leagues. You might even be at an Apple store plac­ing your order right now.

listen up!Why do I still have a Black­ber­ry Curve where I can’t read half the screen; the ear­piece does­n’t work so I have to use it only on speak­er; the track­ball fell out once & until I found it weeks lat­er (right under my chair) I had to do every­thing with the key­pad, which meant no scrolling (now it’s taped in place); & I have to pull the bat­tery out to charge it because the usb jack is all screwed up? Oh yeah, & it’s held togeth­er with duct tape?

Because it still works—and I’ve been wait­ing for an iPhone that has all the fea­tures I want, includ­ing a nice big screen. Oh yeah, & the price. Oth­er bills came first. The new iPhone 6 Plus is exact­ly what I want, & the old Beast­ber­ry prob­a­bly won’t hold out much longer.

Which means I’m going to get the iPhone 6 Plus for sure (and all its 128g), so I bet­ter get back to work right now to afford it.

 PRODUCTION NOTES:
Original size: 20×30 inches
Program: Illustrator
Font: What font? This is hand-​lettered, just like ads were created back in the 1960’s (unless you could find a decent script in Fototype).
Colors: Sampled from period telephone ads & adjusted according to memory
CREDITS:
Ad: clas​si​cro​tary​phones​.com
Princess phone: playinginthe​worldgame​.files​.word​press​.com
Black pushbutton phone: unmesh​patil​.blogspot​.com/
Brick: bodyshapestyle​.com
Instructions: teach​inglit​er​a​cy​.tum​blr​.com
1954 film: YouTube /​ Bell System

#21 New & Improved

Chaz DeSimone 5 Comments

 

Here’s a BRAND NEW series for my mar­ket­ing friends & col­leagues, and just about any­one who remem­bers the slo­gans of yes­ter­year, many of which are still being print­ed, dis­played & broad­cast today. This slo­gan, tagline & adword series will con­tin­ue through­out the year, along with oth­er Amper­Art edi­tions each & every month.

Adding rel­e­vance to this edi­tion, Amper­Art sub­scribers (those who receive each edi­tion as it’s released, absolute­ly free — sub­scribe here) will notice a New & Improved newslet­ter design.

This edi­tion, New & Improved, was cre­at­ed to repli­cate off-​register let­ter­press print­ing that you’d see on old cere­al & sundry box­es, debossed into the soft card­board from the heavy print­ing machin­ery & ooz­ing the ink into adja­cent col­ors. When you enlarge the image (click on the thumb­nail) you’ll see the gigan­tic halftone dots (Ben­day screen, actu­al­ly) used when print­ing was a crud­er process & pho­to shop was a course you took in high school to learn how to devel­op film & make out in the darkroom.

 

New but NOT Improved

Not every­thing that’s new is improved, even though the obnox­ious star­burst on the label says so.

Remem­ber last year’s Amper­Art series, “My Favorite Things”? One of my favorite all-​time fla­vors is that strong & bit­ter iron tinge of Oval­tine, espe­cial­ly when crunch­ing into all the undis­solved gran­ules that float to the top after stir­ring & stir­ring & stir­ring with cold milk. Those gran­ules had deli­cious­ly con­cen­trat­ed fla­vor that explod­ed when you bit into them.

Sev­er­al years ago I noticed a brand new logo & label on some of the shelf’s Oval­tine jars, along­side the old pack­ag­ing. I was­n’t that impressed with the new look, but it did trig­ger a yearn­ing for that famil­iar fla­vor & crunch. So I bought one & could­n’t wait to get home.

New? Yes. Improved? No! No! No! The pack­ag­ing cer­tain­ly had changed, but it did not men­tion that the con­tents had also. It tast­ed flat, like plain old pow­dered choco­late, no iron bite at all, & NO CRUNCH. The pow­der com­plete­ly dis­solved in the milk. Upon clos­er inspec­tion I dis­cov­ered the “gran­ules” were not actu­al­ly com­pressed “rocks” like the old Oval­tine, but rather puffy glob­ules of the pow­dered stuff – kind of like cat lit­ter when it gets wet. Only that would taste bet­ter than this new bas­tardized pseudo-Ovaltine.

So I grabbed my jar, rushed back to the mar­ket, trad­ed in that one for one of the old mod­els, and pro­ceed­ed to pull every one of my cher­ished orig­i­nal Oval­tine jars off the shelf & pur­chased every one. There must have been 20 or so. Now I could­n’t wait to get home again to wash that hor­ri­ble “new” fla­vor out of my mouth & replace it with the Oval­tine of Old.

Guess what? Old pack­ag­ing, new prod­uct. No! No! No! I returned every jar & have not tast­ed the won­der­ful fla­vor nor felt the incred­i­ble crunch of Oval­tine ever since. I heard there’s a prod­uct in Europe that’s like my child­hood mem­o­ries, so I look for­ward to tast­ing that deli­cious­ly dis­gust­ing iron-​tinged choco­late fla­vor once again. Till then, Nestle’s Straw­ber­ry Quick…while it’s still not new & not improved.

If you’re an amper­sand fan sub­scribe here for free & fab­u­lous & fun month­ly editions.

PRODUCTION NOTES
Original size: 20x30 inches
Programs: Illustrator, Photoshop
Fonts: Balloon, Franklin
Ampersand: Balloon

CREDITS:
Ovaltine: Facebook 1970s Group