Tag: food

#59 Weights & Measures

Chaz DeSimone 3 Comments

59-Weights-Measures

 

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Find printing tips & framing ideas here.

So the oth­er day I pop into my local super­mar­ket which hap­pens to bake the best peanut but­ter cook­ies I’ve ever had — deli­cious peanut but­ter fla­vor & loaded with chunks of peanuts. I love peanut but­ter cook­ies & it’s always a treat when this store bakes them, which is too infre­quent­ly. They come in a tray of 50 for $5 which is a good deal itself, but it’s the spe­cial peanut but­ter fla­vor I’m after.

I put a tray in my bas­ket & did the rest of my shop­ping. In line at the reg­is­ter, I sensed some­thing was wrong with my tray of peanut but­ter cook­ies (I had bought many trays before). I count­ed the cook­ies through the trans­par­ent lid & there were only 44. I told the check­er I’d be right back & to take the next peo­ple in line.

I was gone quite awhile.

Back in the bak­ery sec­tion, I count­ed the cook­ies in each & every tray, and they var­ied from 37 to 46 — not a sin­gle one was the full 50. I went back to the check­stand (where my ice cream was melt­ing) and asked for a man­ag­er. Not to make a scene, but rather to inform of the issue & save the next unaware cus­tomer from being cheat­ed. The man­ag­er was rather sur­prised upon count­ing sev­er­al of the trays her­self & quick­ly offered to “rob from Peter” to bring my tray up to the full measure.

She opens the lid, stops for a moment & says “These don’t smell like peanut but­ter.” Hand­ed me one gratis to con­firm & sure enough it was their new dis­gust­ing “apple crisp” cook­ie. (Atten­tion bak­ers: apple crisp is done in a bak­ing pan, not in a cook­ie.) The lit­tle bits of apple sure looked like peanuts but sure did­n’t taste like them. & yes, all the trays con­tained apple crisp cook­ies, not peanut but­ter as labeled.

So one more thing to add to the list in this lit­tle hick town I live in: peo­ple can’t count & they can’t read, either. But they sure can bake excel­lent peanut but­ter cookies…when they’re actu­al­ly peanut but­ter cookies.

listen up!

Why isn’t the Unit­ed States on the met­ric sys­tem? I’ll tell you why — we’re too damn lazy, and I got proof. Back in the 70s or 80s sev­er­al free­ways in Cal­i­for­nia installed high­way signs that were black, not green (that alone was beau­ty to my eyes), dis­play­ing the upcom­ing exits in kilo­me­ters. And sev­er­al gas sta­tions switched their pumps to liters. How easy and effi­cient that was, com­put­ing dis­tances and vol­ume sim­ply by fac­tor­ing by 10, 100, or 1000. Easy and effi­cient while it last­ed, any­way. Soon every­thing was con­vert­ed back to our con­vo­lut­ed miles and gallons.

I can’t under­stand why archi­tects try to scale things by 8ths and 16ths when using mil­lime­ters and cen­time­ters is so much eas­i­er and accu­rate. I mea­sure every­thing in met­rics – times 10, divide by 10, etc. Any­one who can’t fig­ure out sim­ple met­ric cal­cu­la­tions prob­a­bly still uses a slide rule just to make math difficult.

Why are soda bot­tles in the US labeled 1.5L and so on? I’m not sure, but I would­n’t be sur­prised if it was a sneaky way to reduce the vol­ume with­out any­one notic­ing. Remem­ber half-​gallon ice cream tubs? Today they’re 1.5L, which is far less than half a gal­lon. (1/​2 gal­lon = 1.892 liters). I’m all for it, though. Maybe the met­ric sys­tem will catch on in this so-​called pro­gres­sive coun­try after all.

I’ll give us cred­it for the cur­ren­cy sys­tem, though. That’s close to met­ric effi­cien­cy. The Euro has denom­i­na­tions sim­i­lar to the US, but each bill is a col­or­ful con­tem­po­rary design, not black and green on every sin­gle note. Need­less to say, Amer­i­ca is behind on design, too. That’s anoth­er top­ic, though. And then there’s our prud­ish­ness about nud­ism. Yet anoth­er topic.

Got­ta go get me a cup of coffee…or is that .23L? Cup is one US term I’ll stick with.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
Original size: 20×30 inches
Programs: Illustrator, Photoshop
Font: Rockwell
CREDITS:
Pointer: ruby​lane​.com, Antique French Kitchen Scale: Balance de Famille
Apple: http://​www​.fowler​farms​.com/​a​p​p​l​e​-​i​n​t​r​o​d​u​c​t​i​on/ (5oz or 150 g is the average weight of an apple, according to the “great chart of apple varieties” at this website)

#56 Lose Weight & Feel Great

Chaz DeSimone 1 Comment

#56 Lose Weight & Feel Great

Click to view full-​size or down­load hi-​rez image for gallery-​quality print­ing and framing. 
This is a high-​resolution pdf & may take a few min­utes to download.
Find print­ing tips & fram­ing ideas here.

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My friend Crys­tal got me back into shape last year. I’ve giv­en her a lit­tle plug after my main sto­ry. She real­ly helped me lose weight & feel great!
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LOSE WEIGHT & FEEL GREAT—Back around 1978 I lost $400 in one day wear­ing that phrase! (or some­thing that sound­ed just like it)

That was back in the ’70s when a com­pa­ny that sold herbal sup­ple­ments via your typ­i­cal pyra­mid multi-​level mar­ket­ing scheme recruit­ed (by means of over-​the-​top “rah-​rah” meet­ings & con­ven­tions) any­one who want­ed to get rich quick & stay healthy at the same time. I bought into the dream­scheme, stocked my liv­ing room full of every type of sup­ple­ment, ton­ic & snake oil the com­pa­ny had to offer, & head­ed out on my first day, wear­ing my shiny new Lose Weight — Feel Great lapel but­ton near­ly the size of a hock­ey puck, to make an overnight killing. After all, I was in top shape, toned & tan, & fig­ured any­one would assume a few sup­ple­ments a day took me from a fat slob to an Atlas in just a few weeks. (In actu­al­i­ty, I had been work­ing out for years.)

I did­n’t get a sin­gle nib­ble. Instead, I lost over $400 in one day. I was so excit­ed about wear­ing that damn badge & mak­ing my easy for­tune that I for­got all about my reg­u­lar job, my loy­al clients & dead­lines for designs. (It was my fault, not the MLM’s. Just not for me.)

I tore that but­ton off that evening & nev­er did anoth­er MLM again. But at least the phrase, a slo­gan of the era, prompt­ed this edi­tion of Amper­Art. (This com­pletes the first Adver­tis­ing Slo­gan series, one slo­gan per month through­out 2013. You can see the entire list here.) Read More